Late Night Pondering

Here's the thing: I hate my job. No, I mean, I really fucking HATE my job! Don't get me wrong, it pays the bills well enough, and I like the people I work with, but in some ways I see bartending as just a few steps up from whoring yourself. You are playing this game of make believe that you are absolutely delighted to wait hand and foot on people for about an hour for their own delight and pleasure. You're basically faking it for money (usually about $5).

Now, I know exactly what I want to do with my life. I want to write, and I'm actually pretty damn good at it. I want to be a resident writer and then someday an editor of a major magazine. But, that career path is hard to come by. I could blame the failing economy or the fact that there are millions of girls in my shoes also trying to achieve my goal. But the reality is: I'm not disciplined. I don't write unless I find something worthy of writing about (just like my painting). And I have no idea how to move past the occasional freelance gig.

Here's another thing: I have been searching for a new job. My dream job of course is that coveted writing position at a major women's mag like Cosmo, Glamour, Seventeen, or LA Mag. And as much as I hate my current job, I can't seem to lower myself to settle for less than that dream. I found a job listing today for a marketing job that I am absolutely perfect for, because I have the experience and it actually involves some writing. Yet I am hesitant to apply for it because, yet again, its not the dream job I crave. Am I stupid? That is the question of night...